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In this short conversation, you simply state how you feel about him without any false promises of the future , and you also let him know what you want from him. Be prepared for any response. You need to be clear about that before you have the conversation. Remember that a guy may take longer to shut down his profile, even when you are exclusive.
Be a woman of value who speaks up and knows her bottom line about how she wants to be treated. The right guy will step it up. The wrong one will walk away. Your email address will not be published. Notify me of follow-up comments by email. wikiHow is where trusted research and expert knowledge come together. Learn why people trust wikiHow. Categories Relationships How to Know if Your Boyfriend Is on Dating Sites.
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These apps and websites will do all the searching for you. Only pick sites that are free to use to avoid any scams. On your computer, type "www. See if he has an active account this way. Go to a few popular dating sites, like Tinder, Bumble, OKCupid, Match, Hinge, and Plenty of Fish.
When it asks you to log in, enter in his email address, then type a random password. Then, set your age range to include your boyfriend, and turn your location range to be as close as it can. The best way to be sure is to look at his downloaded apps.
If you have a spare moment with his phone, search through his apps for sites like Bumble, Tinder, Match, or Hinge. Keep in mind that checking his phone is a breach of privacy, and it could negatively impact your relationship.
He may be logging onto dating sites on his computer. If you have access to his desktop or laptop, open up his browser and head to the upper right corner. Just like checking his phone, snooping on his computer could be bad for your trust in each other. It might sound scary, but it will probably give you the most peace. They can help your boyfriend determine why he keeps lying and what might get him to tell the truth.
All healthy relationships are built on a foundation of trust. Then, you can challenge all of your mistrustful thoughts with questions like, "What evidence do I have that this thought is true?
Mistrust can be hard to work through on your own. They can give you coping mechanisms and specific things to try in your relationship to make it work. Logging onto a dating site is a huge breach of trust, and many would consider it cheating. Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP. Set aside time each week for a "relationship check-in.
Yes No. Not Helpful 0 Helpful 4. We all flirt, sure, but this I consider cyber cheating. The other woman does not know that a girlfriend exists, and he thinks he is allowed and that it is not disrespectful. We, of course, broke up, and he can now continue to look for whatever he thinks he deserves but will never find. com like mine was. I have the exact opposite problem.. Perhaps, you, Brad, can help me out and explain this.
I met this guy a little over 3 weeks ago on POF… After going out every day for about 10 days, talking on the phone daily several times a day, and texting in between he complained that I still had a profile up on POF so did he. I removed my profile; he HID his!!!
and continued logging on daily!!! Then we had a discussion about being exclusive including removing profiles, etc. He did remove his profile from POF and match. what do you think about this, Brad? To me this sounds like some trust issues on his part that go deeper than the visibility of a dating profile.
You were co-operative which again makes me think he just feels insecure. I too am going through a similar issue. I have been with my guy for almost two years. Well his last stint out of town really had the jealousy wheels turning, for the reason mentioned above, as well as his recent induction into the world of Facebook in which I am nowhere to be found on his profile mentioned as a girlfriend or a picture and he listed he is interested in….
Maybe and advertisement? He read the mail, which was someone winking at him. No picture or other information and right after creating and logging in yesterday, he unsubscribed from emails. But did not delete his account. Glad to know there are others out there but it saddens me to know that this seems to be so common amongst mostly men.
If nothing comes of the browsing, is it worth mentioning and possibly creating a huge fight over? I think I just found my answer, as hard as it is to swallow.
If I went browsing on dating site, my wife would punch me in the nose and I support her in that decision. Why look at real people in your area and be tempted to contact them? There are issues with Match. com where if he were to open an email it can show him logged in without his know but…explaining away three different services is about impossible to do. I really just wanna punch him the face!!! After my emotional abusive ex broke up with me I looked into his emails as I thought there was more to it.
We lived together for two years. Anyway I saw an email he and his friend were sending eachother. And how he has to man up and give me the breakup speech.
He met the ex before me on there and I asked him which one they met on and he said he forgot. And he always deleted his browser history. I hate to say it but I am glad that I am not the only one to have been in this horrible position. Ladies, this is just pitiful. We are strong and wonderful creatures so can we please start to act like it?
This goes for me, too. After all, in my mind it is much, much better to be single and happy than to be with someone who makes you feel inadequate, insecure and overall lonely. I met a guy a year ago off match. For about months it was on and off. We went a great mount of time not seeing each other or talking. Over the summer we just randomly stopped talking.
This past September he initiated contact and we have been dating ever since. We talk on the phone every day and see each other times a week.
In November I texted him and told him I really liked him and needed to know if he saw this going somewhere. He said he really liked me too and that he was going with the flow.
He said he is always busy and tired from work which he is , but would like to see each other more and see where it goes. I asked if he was dating anyone else and he said no. I assumed after this conversion we were exclusive. The past three weeks he has been extremely busy more than usual and I have only seen him once. Some friends suggested that maybe he was dating other girls and recommended I check if he was still on match.
I reactivated my account yesterday, and looked him up, and sure enough he had logged on the day before. I checked again and he was online again today. Im so heartbroken since we have known each other for almost a year now. I am currently going through what everyone on here has. This is the third guy I have dated that has done this. I am about ready to confront him about it when he comes down this weekend. He should not be surprised after all he is the one who said he would delete his.
I just reactivated mine. I am waiting to see if he says anything about it. WALK AWAY. Exclusivety if that is a word is what any serious relationship is about. There are somewhere guys who ARE looking for a serious relationship. COME ON GIRLS —-give them short shift if they stay online!!! Go online yourself then give him the flick!! Met on fitness-singles.
Emailed for two months. Scheduled a visit to see me. Prior to his visit, my subscription ended, so I hid my profile so as not to get any more emails, though I did get some from previous corresponders. I logged in now and then, and noticed for about a week his was still on. Another week goes by and his profile is gone. Clearly hidden. So then I got to checking his activity, while I was hidden. Silly cat and mouse. What do you make of that? I know why mine is hidden and active now — checking on his activity.
I wonder why his is hidden and active… any ideas other than he could be doing the same as I am? Anyway, we finally met in my state a couple of weekends ago.
This is his typical MO from before we met, I just thought after meeting, claiming he had a great time, wants me to visit, wants to come back that he would contact more. Thoughts anyone? I really can only guess but I do think hiding the profile is a great first step.
so I have been with my boyfriend for almost two years now. A year into our relationship I found out that the same week he met me he had a one night stand and she became pregnant as the result. I had a very hard time accepting this and I will admit it took me a long time to get over it.
Also in the same month he became a father he took a vacation to Australia for a week to visit a long time female friend, who paid for the trip. I did not approve of this trip since she had told him in the past that she thought she was in love with him. He explained to me that she was married and had a family and her husband knew that he was coming to visit.
So again I had to get over it. About a year and a half onto our relationship I found that he had not signed out of his email so I started reading them. I couldnt believe my eyes! Messages from all kinds of women. So he took me to pick out a engagement ring and I forgave him. Now were two years into the relationship, I have never received the ring, I think he went and got his deposit back, and today I found him on a dating website. Hi Brad, I met my boyfriend from Okcupid.
He even have dreams and plans for our future. On our first month of our relationship, he introduced me to his family who were took a vacation here in US they from Ireland. Regarding for sex, we usually have sex 3 times a week, thus, this really puzzled me.
I also found this out that his lying that he will remove his account the said dating site. Brad, I need your advice. Vhalotte — I wrote another article that expanded on this topic that you can see here: His Profile is Still Active — Is He Interested or Not? I do think you need to bring this up with him. I have been dating a guy for a year and a half — met through friends.
We talked about marriage — we already have kids from prior realationships. I recently found out hes on a dating website — no pic, not paying account. I know his passwords so when i checked it, i found out that he browes pictures, and emailed 4 woman. He received many emails but he cant open since hes not a paying user. Should I confront him? Is this something men do just in their spare time, browse? Is it cheating? I sent a note to POF to let them know that could cause problems!
See if they fix it…. Another thing to consider — I may be wrong, but Match. com site. com and it does appear that it can show you active just by opening emails from them.
However, this only happens if the profile is visible which often is the real problem. Thanks for the clarification about Match.
Internet dating certainly does complicate life…. but, I did manage to avoid a lot of heartache thanks to FB and a computer illiterate user. The REAL story ~ he had jumped into a relationship with me, way too fast, and instead of being honest, he made up this story. has tried singlesnet. Saved me all that misery…… a good thing! I have been dating the same girl for almost 7 months now and her excuse for being online was originally that she wanted to try and get her 6 month guarantee money from Match.
She told me this when were at the 4 month mark of dating. We are both in our 40s so game playing time should have been up long ago. She acted offended that I would confront her about it and said she would take it down. Brads May 13, comments are very pertinent to my situation. Bottom line is this type of thing goes both ways. WOMEN PLAY GAMES TOO!!!
Hi Jay I agree Women Play Games Too…. but we are not seeing a lot of comments from you GUYS on this space. Please Guys write Your Experience on here too, so at least we genuine women will have faith again.. that there are serious guys out there too….. Well I definitely know that this happens to guys too because it is currently happening to me right now.
My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for about 2 months now and I know for a fact that his dating profile is still active on the site me met on. It told me the time that comment was made and it turns out that he made that comment weeks after we had started dating.
So I confronted him about it and he got upset that I had been snooping. He said that the only reason he posted that was because the other guy said something nice about one of his pictures. So after a evening of arguing over the phone I ended up being the one who was apologizing for trying to undermine our relationship with distrust. So I told him I would delete my account so that this whole nightmare would be over….. do you think he had the courtesy to delete his too….. nope here we are another month later and it still says single and he still logs onto it daily i can see it without having an account.
I feel so confused right now and soooooo sick to think what he could be doing all of the time. We communicate with each other daily over the phone, video chatting, texting….. because we are in a long-distance relationship. He always tells me how much he loves me and our relationship is going so well…. this hurts so bad and I am so afraid to lose him…..
but it seems like addressing this issue is the only way to know for sure. I just wish people would think about how much this kind of stuff really hurts the ones they claim to love so much 🙁. Kick these morons — women OR men to the curb. The answer is obvious. He is looking for better options.
Serial daters. READ about this online. GOOGLE narcissistic online daters. These men and women have red flags a flying. If YOU feel their behavior is inherently questionable, trust your instinct. This was supposedly his FIRST online dating venture. BS he has been on every site out there which is fine but to LIE about it along with age and criminal history — lets say I am still paying for who he pretended to be and who he actually IS.
He leaves behind a path of ex gfs and a wife who know they should have trusted what should be obvious: bad behavior is BAD behavior and no smooth talking over and over will change the inherent insanity of his always looking for the golden fleece women. DO NOT end up giving them the benefit of the doubt — you will lose your self esteem, question the golden rules you knew in kindergarten and everything that should be upright is upside down.
I have been through HELL with this man who is addicted to attention whoring by ANYONE. He treated me like CRAP, lied about his age and his intent.
DO NOT listen to what they say — the dichotomy is in their ACTIONS which is what people should be paying attention to. Not the words. I found this out because I snooped. Suspicious activity had to be followed up on. Anyways, I made a fake profile. send a flirt-mail. Got one back. Sorry to anyone else going through this. My heart goes out to you. I could use a friend right now too. I met my husband married 10 years this summer on match. What are we doing here?
Three months in we were engajed, married within a year of meeting and going strong. Those are all EXCUSES. You deserve better. When a man loves and respects you you know it. Clear the path so a real man can enter your life. You owe it to yourself…and deserve to be happy without constantly having to wonder. No drama.
Good luck. Brad, thank you so much for this article and to all who commented. I discovered the man I met and have dated exclusively almost 3 months ago on match. com to have his profile back up about 2 weeks ago. When I asked him about it, I received all the unoriginal excuses written about here. However, I accepted them since at the time it sounded honest and he was adamant there was only me.
I also chose to forgive and move forward. His profile disappeared within 20 minutes of our discussion. Fast forward to this past weekend.
I ended up finding a very active profile on okcupid. His match profile went active shortly thereafter. I set up a fake profile on okcupid where he is looking for everything including casual sex which he has now expressed his interest in. There is no doubt that I am finished with him. We had explicit conversations about exclusivity and expectations. We agreed if someone wanted to pursue others they should. Just be sure to be honest and cut the other person loose.
I know I will never receive a satisfactory answer from him. For the record, within the first 3 dates he told me he took his match profile down, how he was finished with online dating, what terrible luck he had, and how he expected to be stood up by me on the first date. We are both professionals in our late 30s and he has 2 teenage children. I never in a million years expected to be bamboozled like this.
I feel like the ultimate sucker. I thought I had all the right conversations to protect myself. I have been in a relationship off and on for the last year and a half. I made the mistake of hiding it from him and he found out. Last July he admitted to me that he has been monitoring my emails, Facebook, text messages, everything for over a year.
He read private conversations between me and my friends and family and got angry that I was talking to other people about our relationship. After this, I cut off all communication with everyone electronically and focused on him. Well fast forward to Christmas
Home Online Dating Blog My Boyfriend Has Kept His Online Dating Profile Active. Posted by: Brad. Strangely enough, this situation seems to happen more often than I would expect: after finding a serious relationship some men still keep their online dating profile active.
The primary reason to keep an online dating profile active is simple: the desire to meet people. Now there could be other reasons. Maybe he just likes having his ego stroked when women flirt with him. None of these are a good thing: 1. He likes to flirt and be flirted with.
He may not flirt but likes the idea that women like him. How Can I Fix This Situation? At the very least, this action is a serious sign of disrespect. Create an account on the same site and communicate with him. If pressed, your excuse for using the site should be the same as his. You might care a great deal for this man but his actions suggests he cares less for you than he should. Related posts: His Dating Profile is Still Active — Is He Interested or Not?
What to Do When Your Date Remains Active Online New Relationship: Should I Hide or Delete My Dating Profile If I Am Shy, Should I Mention It In My Online Dating Profile? A Second Dating Profile Review.
I played this game with my EX fiance… for FOUR years……. blah blah blah. As long as you forgive and believe the b. If he loved YOU, he would have no need for an online ANYTHING. you are the ONLY woman I need…. Trust me. I have been there. LOSE THE LOSER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thankyou Louise so miuch for being brave and honest I have one such man and it is just awful I dont trust him so ultimately will end the relationship Its so painful as we get on so well and are very compatible I am very angry and disappointed in his behaviour.
PS AND…… DO NOT….. I REPEAT……. DO NOT let them guilt you when they say.. Yeah everything you said is like what im going through. I have a boyfriend that is always coming home from work all happy but when he goes to take a shower i lool in his phone and i see that hes been going on different websites he has a gmail facebook msn and a zoosk and i see thar in his phone under history that shows all the.
Shit hes been doing behind ky bsck he doesnt delete them so i find them. Why is he doing this? He even doesnt like to male love with me sometimes at nigjt! It feels like hes rejecting me! He sometomes sleeps with his back turned to me!
I hate that also when hes really mad he calls me bad names. But later on apologises. He likes to say i dont love you as. Before when hes mad! And he denies going on any websites. It kills me because he swears it by god! But i dnt know if its all togther true! Help me please is he cheating on me over the internet???? The guy and I met on eHarmony shortly after we both signed up, in early July. With their payment system, however, we both have to continue to pay until September.
But he texted me tonight in the middle of our conversation telling me that he updated his with new photos! His excuse was that he had to pay until September no matter what true and that he did it just because. Too bad for him that he was stupid enough to tell me what he did without me even asking or snooping lol.
com for about a week prior to actually meeting. com profile down. At pm I made the mistake of logging on to Match. My heart sank. I just feel as if I deserve the truth— if he wants to keep looking for something better, then I should be too. com and yes he was online everyday and active even when we where physically dating?
what was his username on match? maybe we were dating the same stupid guy! I dated the pig too. OMG,,i feel everything that has been spoken about here. Iam older,,59,,dating a 54 year old. At 3months i asked him why hes still on the dating sight where we met,,he yelled at me,,said nothing to worry about,,said he doesnt talk to anyone,,so i said well then its just like looking through a imaginer then,,he said yes.
Well i surest he remove his pic then,,as no one will write to u with no pic. I check back in 3 more months and pics still there. I left him for one week. I also went on a dinner date,,i told him of this,,and i was given roses from my date. We are back together,,he has never told me that he removed his profile,but i have checked twice now,,its gone,,or hes just removed the picture.
Which will work for now. Why do men feel the need to look,,he tells me he loves me,,we talk of moving in together,,i see him 4days a week. Two of them i sleep over. Whats going to happen with long term? I have been seeing him now for 7months. I was very hurt by this,,i was so disrespected as a women,,and i told him i closed my account,,and one day i put my pics back up,,he emailed me on this sight to say,,you look great.
What the hell is wrong with these men? WEll only time will tell. I almost walk away for good. I was just so hurt,,and it gave me reasons to not trust,,at my age i dont need or want that kind of trust in my life. Good luck to all of you both men and women. Go with ur gut in stinks. When u love someone,,its tough,,i know.
Then I went on a date with a guy who told me about how many scam emails from women he gets from Russia, ect…. I had been told this before but had forgotten. without even logging onto Match at all…. I do not have a very big social life,to me dating sites are alternatives to meet some one. I has the same issue with my ex for 7 months he even gave me a promise ring and he tols me he loves me and i am the only one he wants,my cousin opens an account on pof the same site where i met him,and guess who was there active?
my ex….. i felt so dirty,betrayed and all the time,money and stress i invested in those 7 months were down the toilet. Now i have a trust issue with everyone else because of this matter. Please women out there we deserve better,take your time to know well who you are dating,there are many bad,heart less men out there….
just do not put your heart in an relationship if you are not sure about the other person background,records and love life. A cheater will be always a cheater …. Life is short live your life to the fullest ……god bless. Why go to a dating site to look for friends while monogamous?
Look into a healthy interest group on meet up dot com or your local church, for example. Looking for FRIENDS on a site dedicated to matching people up to DATE is opportunity to — Well, DATE.
Trust is believing in someone to treat you with respect. Going to a dating site is disrespectful to the one with whom you are monogamous. If you want out or are thinking about it — get out before you are tempted to check things out. I am currently going through this we have been dating for 6 months and had plenty of talks on my boyfriend being online daily.
He did change his profile to hang out only.
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